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Tomaino Arm Care Network

Dr. Tomaino's Blog

Grace

November 28th, 2010
It’s fitting this time of year to reflect on how blessed we are, despite the crosses we may bear. Just like the phrase: “stress is stress” intimates, our life challenges, and individual trials and tribulations should not be offered up for comparison to some standard benchmark of what a “real problem” is. We each bring to the table our own interpretations, perceptions, coping mechanisms, resilience….and the list goes on.

I watched “The Family Stone” last evening with my family; Diane Keaton played the matriarch of the family--her graceful acceptance of her impending death from breast cancer was trumped by the grace with which her husband and children accepted her departure from this life. It brought back sad memories of my mother-in-law who passed a mere 5 months after her Christmas 2004 diagnosis of cancer. My wife—and her siblings and Dad have possessed similar grace.


I saw a long time patient this week who visited, not because of her own “lifeless arm” due to a neurologic problem, but as a loving mother who accompanied her adult child for care of a wrist injury. I shared with her my profound admiration of her unwavering ability to live life despite the baggage of having to literally carry her arm with her in a sling, day and night. I asked her if ever a day passed when she did not think about her arm, its inconvenience, and her “cross”—to say the least. She shared with me that she had long ago accepted her disability, and intimated that she had been blessed with “Grace”.



Grace
noun
1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety.
4.
a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
b. Mercy; clemency.
5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.
7. Graces Greek & Roman Mythology Three sister goddesses, known in Greek mythology as Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia, who dispense charm and beauty.
8.
a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
c. An excellence or power granted by God.
9. A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal.
or after a meal.



In my daily practice, which arguably consumes my attention day and night, I strive to help people feel better—not just their shoulder, hand or elbow. I share information and willingly and passionately direct patients toward a path that will hopefully decrease their pain and restore function. In the vast majority of cases, our goal is successful, and when it is not we try to provide some level of support to help with their ability to “bear their cross.” As I said earlier, just like stress, one’s “cross” can’t be compared to another’s—though we’d all likely agree that cancer is worse that a painful bursitis.
Like my patient, and “The Family Stone”, and my wife’s family—and countless others who are graceful despite loss, chronic pain or illness or other challenges, most of us aspire to that state through prayer or other means. And when we encounter those in our lives who do not fare as well with the struggle—as we undoubtedly will—we need to call upon “Grace”—the 5th definition above. No judgementalism. No intolerance. No reactionary dialogue or conduct.
“It is what it is”, despite what we may hope for, and do our best to achieve. But---we can pray for “Grace”--theirs and ours.

*POST EDITED BY DR. TOMAINO.

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